As a love and attraction coach, I hear some interesting comments from people: I’m too fat to be in a relationship. I’m too busy to fall in love. I’m too picky to get a guy/gal. As if fat, busy or picky people all spend their lives alone!

In fact, I’ve had clients who were all of these all at the same time—and still found themselves in great relationships. To be accurate, they didn’t find themselves in great relationships. They put themselves there.

And you can too.

Now let’s consider being “bad at love.” I’ve heard this countless times. What does it mean to be bad at love? I can tell you what many people think it means.

People who claim they’re bad at love say they don’t know the secrets and tricks of making someone love them. (Pay special attention to words like tricks and making.) They believe they’re not enough: smart enough, sexy enough, thin enough, cagey enough, experienced enough, sophisticated enough, wealthy enough, etc.

Sound familiar? There are about fifty more attributes I could have added, but you get the point. People think they are not enough.

Except when they think they are too much.

Too fat, too smart, too dumb, too poor, too wealthy, too sophisticated, too picky, too distrustful, too much to handle, too busy at work, too close their family, or their friends, or their hometown, or….

And some people believe they’re both too much and not enough. “I’m too brainy and not sexy enough” is the frequent cry of women, while men seem partial to the “too honest and not rich enough” lament.